No Shirt, No Problem

Where did the summer go? I feel like just yesterday I was kidding myself—actually believing I'd be hitting the gym daily and not eating carbs. 

Also, Mercury is in retrograde so shit is getting weeee-hhhheeerrr-dddd up in here. That said, I decided to do a little something weird too, and craft my review of VMA fashion. That's right. The VMAs.

For all of you pip-squeaks who don't know, the VMAs are called the "Video Music Awards" because there used to be a little show (that shaped an en-tire generation) called TRL. Long before Carson Daily graced us with his presence on The Voice, he was kickin' it with Tara Reid and talking to Britney on - the - reg. Music videos were fire, and I ran home (that's dramatic, I took the bus), from school daily to sit and watch ALL of them. Now, the VMAs have many categories and only a select few focus on video production. (Sad face.)

If you recall, I believe the Grammys are the shit show of all red carpets. But, that was before I ever decided to review a VMA red carpet. In the end, I'd say they are pret-ty similar in their shit-show levels. So, let's table that contest for another day.

A few stunners from Sunday night's show that I won't even bother to include in my best and worst because you all know my clear bias. These include: Beyonce, Blue Ivy, Stella Maxwell, Kimmy K., RuPaul Drag Race and Ashley Graham—all on the best list. 

Who else?

Hailee Steinfeld in Giuseppe. 

I love the idea of a mini at the VMAs. It's the perfect venue for a fun, young ensemb and Hailee, is both of those things. She looks killer. Love the makeup, the only thing I may have changed is working a slicked pony versus a curl (but she probably knew Ariana Grande was going to have that shit on lock). Either way, it's magic.

Nicki Minaj in Bao Tranchi.

NEVER in my life have I EVER included my girl Nicki in a best dressed list. Love her, but I think we can all admit the girl is usually doing something cray cray. This gown fits her like a glove and peeked a little skin in all the right places—to die.

Hailey Baldwin in Georges Chakra.

Less is more and she really nailed that concept in her black sequin jumpsuit. Not trying too hard, but edgy and chic enough for the venue. Plus, we all know I love a jumpsuit. Total hit. 

DJ Khaled. 

Let me qualify this as only his red carpet look (not the other ten outfits where he didn't have a shirt). I love a man in a navy blue suit, and this navy happens to be a light giraffe print. It's just cool enough for the VMAS but classy enough to make him look like a million bucks! Plus velvet shoes? I'm on board.

My best dressed of the night however, goes to...

Hollan Roden. 

I'll admit, I had to look this one up. Apparently she is in Teen Wolf (the new MTV version). This white caped jumpsuit is in-sane! Her hair and makeup are perfection for an all white night. She even did a little sparkle of gold glitter down her center part and it was fierce! I loved everything about this look. Ev-ery-thing.

The worst begins with Miss. Ariana Grande in Alexander Wang.

I hate to do this, because I'm so into you, Ariana. Get it? She is currently my obsession and girl crush. Plus, we know I love Alexander Wang. The entire thing was so 90s—right down to the crimped hair. And that would be cool, if she was even born yet! 

Farrah Abraham.

I actually don't even want to give her the satisfaction of being on this list but I can't just ignore the fact that this wackadoodle wore an actual COSTUME to the VMAs. I've acknowledged it, OK bye. (Blogger Note: She is most definitely my worst dressed but I feel even THAT is too much of an honor for her).

Jaden Smith.

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Public Service Announcement: Jaden Smith is 18. I literally thought he was like, 11. Mind blown. Mr. 18-years-young Smith decided to wear a bizarre cat print jacket to the VMAs this year and make out with his girlfriend passionately in the audience. So there's that. She must have really liked cats?

Alicia Keys.

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Loved your speech. So in-sanely jealous that you can not wear any makeup and look that gorgeous. Want to burn your dress or return it to The Duggars. Sorry.

There are so many terrible outfits that donned the white carpet on Sunday (Rita Ora, Justine Skye—I'm looking at you). So many of those that also involved not wearing a shirt...at all. So, it only makes sense to pick a worst dressed, that's half dressed.

The worst in this no-shirt-wearing-trend-category, is Cassie.

The yellow hair, the ridiculous spray tan contour, the blazer that in no way would EVER button even if she wanted it to, some seriously 70s pants (which I might not hate in the right context). It's just trying way too hard for me. Way. Too. Hard.

Then, there are those that have made trying to hard an art. I wish I could dedicate an entire section of this post to a category of "too cool" but you guys would be snoozing by the end of it. So, in my brief "too cool" round up:

  • G-Eazy. Like, we get it, your all grunge and rocker and sooooo cool. Button your shirt.
  • Ansel Elgort. Who are you again? And why do you shop at Hot Topic?
  • Nick Cannon. You're so cool in your workout attire. NOT.
  • Lance Bass. Love the message, hate that you can't pose without throwing up a peace sign.
  • Nev Schulman's fiance, Laura. I get it, your married to a docu film maker, so chic. EXCEPT HE WORKS ON A SHOW CALLED CATFISH. So not. 
  • Alessia Cara. I mean, a group of tweens will be wearing this exact outfit to school this week? Bravo?

Basically, the VMA fashion was mostly a mess, but I really enjoyed it—almost as much as I loved the fact that TaySway wasn't present because she's scared of Kimmy. And the debut Kanye's latest manic episode documented via video.

Until next time!

Summertime and the livin' is easy

You guys. It's straight up summer. I don't know if you've been in the city over the last few days but is is mother 'effin HOT in hur. 

I also don't know if you've been looking at my Instagram lately (probably because...duh.) but my hair has been permanently up in a half messy bun channeling Khlo-Money consistently for two months for a few reasons. 1. If you know me, you know I have a straight hair concept. Meaning if it isn't poker straight, I can't deal. 2. It has taken its good ole' time getting to blonde and that's left my ends just a little bit rougher than usual. But don't worry, I've got my appointment with one Kelly hair extraordinare next week to cut those puppies off. 

Trust me, we are getting somewhere here. 

I used to thrive in the summer. Endless days and nights in the sun, hair down every day—especially at the pool and beach, oily skin bronzed perfection. And then...BAM! (Think My Cousin Vinny Marisa Tomei and the deer...) AGE.

Standing in the sun for four hours at the CAVS parade (well worth it) brought out at least two dark spots on my face that I knew were there but had spent months covering up with makeup and applying skin lightener religiously to. It's not OK. 

Blogger note: Yes I am aware these are from the endless days and nights of my youth. But I can't exactly change it now, can I?

My skin was so incredibly dry and burnt and splotchy after the parade, it was atrocious. So, I thought I'd take this enlightening experience (and impending South Carolina vacation) to share with you all some of my older age beauty favorites for summer.

1. Hat. Yes. This officially makes me an old lady. But honestly, I totally take back everything I've ever said about the women covered in hats and shade at the beach because you know what? They are going to be bang-in' and I am going to be a sickly spotted leopard. Not a cute one either. I've learned that shading your face is the best way to avoid discoloration and prevent age spots and wrinkles.

2. Sunscreen. This is a duh, right? Clearly it isn't because I consistently have to remind my friends to wear it every single day! I put 50 SPF on my face every day before makeup and my concealer also includes 50 SPF. In the summer, I also use Lubriderm SPF lotion. It's amazing. A God send. SPF 50 all over my body, no sunscreen feeling or smell. Because trust me ladies, those wrinkles and spots don't just show up on your face (Cue: Angelina Jolie's hands.) On that note, don't forget an SPF in your gloss or chapstick. I didn't pay for these lip injections just to have nasty, sun damaged lips my friends. Protect your investments.

3. Bumble and Bumble Hairdresser's Invisible Oil. I love this stuff. It's like crack. (I imagine...) Not only do I put this in my hair prior to drying (I try to avoid drying in the summer all together) but I bring it to the pool or beach with me and put it in my locks before going in, and when I jump out to avoid tangles and drying out from the chlorine and sun. Be sure to pack a wide tooth comb and brush that shit out when you get out of the water. Remember: tangles are for amateurs and Disney Princesses.

4. Self-Tanner. I'd love to tell you all I found the perfect self-tanner, but I haven't. I've been using San Tropez In Shower, and it's okaaayyy. But the point is, get a spray tan before vacation or throughout the summer as needed. Somehow maintain a faux tan so that you never have to get a real one. Because the real one, es no bueno. 

5. Lip Tint. I lurrrvee product. So I'm not one to say, "it's summer, take it easy on the makeup" but I really dislike sticky gloss or a heavy lip in the summer. Maybe it messes with the taste of my margaritas? Regardless, I did my own review of lip tints inspired by Cupcakes and Cashmere and have found that Stila Cherry Crush is my fave. It gives great color! I will say however, that I don't think any stain can withstand a night out. I always end up reapplying. 

6. Coconut Oil. Perfect for the times when you literally just could not put enough sunscreen on (ahem CAVS parade.) Also perfect for a hair mask every week to keep your locks moisturized in the dry summer heat. Really, there is nothing that Coconut Oil can't do. If you're not drinking the Koolaid, you should be. It's everything.

7. Bug Spray. I seriously get eaten alive 24/7. I like to think it's because I have olive oil running through my veins but really, I think it's because I can't live without perfume. That said, bug spray can be full of chemicals and ya'll know I don't get down with that. I love Badger Bug Repellent with SPF 34. It's a pretty strong lemon scent, though. Not into that? I've heard good things about Malin + Goetz as well, no residue or overwhelming smell.

Help a sister out! What are a few summer products you can't live without?

I Bought a House...and other news

I have yet again been neglecting my blog and you know what? I am not even going to make excuses for it. Life is crazy, the end.

So what have I been doing the past few months? (Obviously not blogging about The Met and Billboard awards.)

I bought a house. A little blue humble abode in the heart of Cleveland Heights.

Thanks for the photo Trulia.

Thanks for the photo Trulia.

I went to Nashville.

And Chicago.

To celebrate two wonderful brides, one of which is getting married this weekend, ending their single life and promising to love and cherish their teammate till death do they part. (See I do have SOME feelings. I promise.)

I worked on the house. I painted, sanded, purchased, landscaped, purchased some more and drank...a lot.

I celebrated a best friend's birthday.

I worked on the house.

I kicked off summer with a few Indians games.

I worked on the house.

It's been an eventful and trying few months and I am more than ready to enjoy the sunshine and summertime with friends, family and my animals. But...

 

 

You didn't think I'd leave you without a few quick fashion notes, did you?

Met Gala. "Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology" was the theme for the 2016 event.

The Met Gala is where every celebrity goes to see just how ratchet they can make themselves look. The Met Gala with a technology theme, is where every celebrity goes to see how ratchet they can look in metallics. So you can imagine it would be difficult for me to select a worst. There were so many tragedies (Kimye, I'm lookin' at you! DVF, Kerry...I physically can-not.) The worst of the worst however, is Madonna.

I've been told that not liking Madonna is a cardinal sin since about 2004. But, I refuse to change my mind. I can't get down with her. At all. And this is a prime example of why.

While it was difficult to find, swimming through a see of metal, feathers and hair. So. much. hair. Two lovely ladies managed to stand out, slaying the rest.

Kendall Jenner. I would probably give her this even if I didn't love the concept of futuristic macramé simply because her body is in-sane. But really, this Versace on her is stun-ning and while on-theme and interesting enough, isn't disgusting (and that's apparently a big ask people!)

(As if you guys didn't know this, but Kate Hudson was a very close second.)

Next up, the 2016 Billboard Music Awards.

Again, similar to the Grammy's and Met, Billboard is an excuse to dress in-sane. And apparently, everyone got the memo. The men looked like they just rolled out of bed and/or have been living homeless for at least a few days (Pete, Ashton...) The women, well there were a lot of misses here. I won't even acknowledge ZLaLa because we all know that was ridiculous. How did she even sit down? Did they give her an entire row? Just stop it.

Because there are so many terrible ensembles, I am going to go with a worst dressed that I simply expected better from. Someone that should know better than to wear something this terrible, someone that never ends up on my worst dressed list. Demi Lovato.

I don't know if she was cold, hot, feeling skinny, feeling gross, trying to be edgy in a sort-of pantsuit with a not-at-all edgy mock Chanel jacket or what but this outfit could have been totally on point. Transform this mess by removing the gloves and jacket. She is flawless. Less is more and this outfit of layers ended up being too much.

(Blogger Note: Yes, I think Rihanna, Meghan Trainor and Tove Lo were freaking terrible too.)

Started from the bottom now we here...

The bad moms collectively, had me girl crushing hard. I found myself wondering if they needed a fourth, even considering adoption just so I could hang with these stone cold foxes. Ah-mazing.

My best of the night, Zendaya. This dress is the perfect color on her skin, it fits her slim body in all the right ways and makes a statement without being overstated. I love it.

Next up, wedding season! Stay tuned as I review the bride's wedding choices from gowns to decor...

 

Kidding. I think. ;)

 

TGIL- Thank God It's LEO!

Now that I’ve come out of my state of depression, accepting the fact that despite their adoring eyes, Leo and Kate will never be together, let’s talk fashion.

The 2016 Oscars took place on Sunday night and along with a few staples, a new group of golden girls and boys were up for the gold and dressed to impress.

But what fun would it be to only talk about that? Time for The Oscars Burn Book ladies and gents!

The Worst

Alicia Vikander in her staple Louis Vuitton.

I know I will be accosted for this but I have to say, I think it’s overwhelming on her tiny gorgeous body. I love the effortless hair, gorgeous chandelier earrings and barely there stilettos. BUT. This is a great example of how easy formal ball gown can go prom. It’s a slippery slope my friends.

Speaking of slippery slope, Sophia Vergara.

Her body is fire. She could literally wear a bag and look FYNE. The immediate impulse to go gown for The Oscars is common, as it is the most formal of the awards however, this Marchesa gown is so incredibly prom-like and there is just too much going on. Her hair back however, is kill-er. I love that she switched it up and hope she does this more often with that gorgeous weave.

Cate Blanchett.

I know. Everyone in the world loved this Armani Prive ensemb. I so wish I could! She is usually such a hit for me. While I love the color and texture it was overall, in my opinion, too much. This dress would have been perfection leaving the top as-is, and beyond the waist in the same color, simple silk penciled to the ground. Just call me Ms. Armani.

Olivia Wilde.

Wearing Valentino haute couture, this was a tricky pick for me. I can’t decide if I would love the gown if it weren’t for the styling choices or… if I just hate it. The choker is so big and the hair so done, next to an already exaggerated shoulder and structure of the pleats, was a miss for me. Writing this now, I firmly believe with no necklace, simple earrings and a loose down hair (ala Kate Winslet)—she might have made my best dressed.

Also, like, do we all really have to wear chokers again?

Heidi Klum.

Klum is known for wearing the tight, body hugging Calvin Klein looks and has completely gone a different direction in this ridiculous, overwhelming purple Marchesa dress. I can’t. It’s a disgrace to all of us Project Runway lovin’ fools. A disgrace wrapped in terrifying purple fabric and huge stuck on flowers.

More burns: Andra Day (big bird), Amy Poehler (bird feeder), Jennifer Jason Leigh (killed the bird for its feathers).

 

Now, to the Queens of the night...

Rooney Mara.

Hi my name is Rooney Mara and I am an angel sent from above. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? This Givenchy is once again, as always, Rooney perfection. The hair, the lip and the in-sanity of the intricate details of this gown are making me feel so many feels.

Naomi Watts.

I actually can’t recall a red carpet where I didn’t obsess over Miss. Watts. Remember that terrible Kacey Musgraves tragedy from The Grammys? Yeah. Me too. Take notes bitch, this is how ya do it! Armani Prive and Bulgari killin’ the game.

Priyanka Chopra.

This was a very close best-dressed contender. First of all, she is pure perfection. I mean, please look at this Instagram. I die. Secondly, the Zuhair Murad dress, while a common silhouette for the red carpet with a sweetheart neckline and fishtail hem, is styled to perfection and is just total fire with the addition of that metallic belt against the feminine sheer white.

Rachel McAdams.

This August Getty Atelier dress is an emerald second-skin on this gorgeous girl. There are no Spanx under that! Yes. Bow down. AND, the side-boob is everything. Ev-er-y-th-an-g.

Jennifer Lawrence.

While she looked to-die on the red carpet in Dior Haute Couture, I had to highlight her after party look that I was entirely way too obsessed with. I love the full ensemb, the simple choker and one large statement ring, with that gorgeous white-blonde bob? Swoon. This Alexander Wang crop top and skirt combo is every-thing.

So who took home the honor of my Best Dressed you might ask?

Daisy Ridley in Chanel.

The ankle length style can be so tricky. I say that as someone who is five foot and nowhere near the 90lbs Daisy clearly is. But, really, it can be a difficult look on a woman and this dress is perfection on her. The slightest bit of peplum, the hem, the color, the hair, the accessories and those perfect shoes—she slayed ya'll.

Other swoon-worthy ladies: Olivia Wilde, Chrissy Teigan, Gaga, Emily Blunt, Margot Robbie and Charlize (hair not included).

 

What a fabulous night for fashion it was, and let's be honest, every awards show is now better with Jacob Tremblay around.

Congrats to my first love, Leonardo. Salut!

GRAMMYs Fashion

I know you all have been waiting on the edge of your seats for my Grammys fashion recap. My response to that?

Hold up ya needy bitches, I have a real job!

I kid.

But really, the Grammys are my favorite of all the red carpet recaps I write because honestly, the good is usually so good and the bad is epic.

This year, I was a little disappointed in the lack of cuckoo clocks. Whatever happened to showing up in an egg?

 

The Best

Bella Hadid.

Listen, I know everybody is all “Pillowtalk” about Gigi but you all know I prefer a little darkness. Bella is everything to me at the moment. Her piercing eyes in this all black ensemb with the slicked hair remind me of one of my other favorites, Rooney Mara. This Alexandre Vauthier Paris gown fits her like a glove, as it should, she is a model after all.

Ellie Goulding in Stella McCartney.

I love juxtaposition—in life and in fashion. Ellie’s typical rock persona in this gorgeous pastel pink gown is making me feel some type of way. The little visibility of her ink on her ribs and the messy hair? I die.

Ariana Grande in Romona Keveza.

Red is her color. She looks to-die in this gown and while it definitely matures her a bit, the signature high pony keeps it young. I could have done without the clutch holding on the red carpet, but ya know—the clutch was a big deal at prom so I totally get it.

Selena Gomez in Calvin Klein.

The bigger the hoop the bigger the…you know. I love her in this Calvin Klein stunner. She’s got the body to wear his designs just like Miss. Klum, but I absolutely could have done without the hoops. The dress is a gorgeous metallic fabric that could easily read cheap, and the hoops only help it get there.

Kaley Cuoco in Naeem Khan.

THIS is when you wear a gorgeous jumpsuit. THIS is the appropriate award venue. I love that she did a loose wave with the cut out and overall structured look of this white ensemble.

 

I know you’re probably asking—what about Mrs. Legend? Adele? Tay Tay?

To recap: I loved Chrissy’s gown, but it was a bit too Kim Kardashian for someone who is such a style icon in her own right. Adele, loved the hair but other than that, the dress was expected. And well, I’m just tired of talking about Taylor.

 

The Worst. There were some obviously real offenders here.

Dencia. What the actual fuck? You have terrible friends and “people” if anyone let you walk out of the door in a pink sweat suit with Hello Kitties glued all over it to walk a red carpet. Terrible.

Jacqueline Van Bierk. OK so you’re a bat? I’m confused.

Joy Villa. Nope. Never.

Ciara in Alexandre Vauthier.

We get it. Your body is a party, or whatever that song is called. I’m not trying to throw shade at your clearly tight and toned bod, but we don’t need to see all of it. I am a big fan of the “pick-a-place rule”. Show leg, or cleavage—never both. Show back or cleavage—never both. You get it.

Kacey Musgraves in Armani.

I hate everything about this chameleon lizard-like gown. And also, I am secretly convinced that she’s a big slut soooo.

Meghan Trainor.

This could have been such a moment for Meghan. Her new hair color is kil-ler. The curl she’s rocking overwhelms her round-shaped face. She should have gone very light waves or poker straight on a night like the Grammys. And, if you’re going to do the shoulder pads, you can’t do the big hair. Straight and uneventful or pulled back only. I actually don’t hate the dress, I just think it’s ill-fitting and the ensemb together is disheveled.

Justin Bieber…is a dirty child molester?

Really, the weirdos dressed like weirdos, Justin showed us he can barely grow a mustache and hangs out at playgrounds and my girl Bella and The Weekend took best, most fierce couple of. all. time.

Until next time folks!

 

Image Credit: Getty Images