I've recently discovered a very deep, and internal struggle within myself. I'd say for probably the last six months or so. Call it my mid to late twenties. Call it my first professional slump. Call it adult life. I've realized, that my problem used to be "What do I want to be when I grow up?" and now, it's "OK. I know what I want to be when I grow up. But, if I could do anything in the World, would it be this?"
Don't get me wrong. I love advertising. I love the fast-pace and the quick-deadlines. I love the environment of "Fuck" and "Shit" and drinking a good dark beer with coworkers just because the clock struck 4 (OK. Maybe more than "a"). But, let's be honest here with a phrase I tend to say when the environment gets to be just a little too much..."We aren't saving lives here".
And lately, my thoughts have gone to a place of "Should I be?" Should I be saving lives, and volunteering and taking mission trips? Should I be spending my days rescuing dogs and saving animals? Should I be Eat, Pray, Loving my life all over the World?
I just don't know. When you're young, we're told we can be anything that we want to be in this World. But, that's a lie.
You can't live off of a salary of saving lives volunteering in a third World country. You can't survive off of the thousands of dollars a month it takes to run a dog rescue, save dog lives, and hopefully receive donations and some form of payment along the way. You just can't.
You can volunteer, you can do things in your spare time. But you can't dedicate your life to it.
So, then, I really can't be anything I want to be. Because I have to have a job that pays reasonably to support a life. And someday, to support lives I am responsible for.
But you feel a strong need to give back, to be a part of making the World a better place, to dedicating all of your time to leaving things a little better than they were before you touched them.
That's my struggle. That's my internal debate. That's what keeps me up at night lately.
Call it my twenties life crisis, my professional crisis, growing up.