It's the most wonderful time of year! Awards Season is here, people! What other time of year can you watch the gorgeous starlets we know and love fall completely on their face with the worst of the worst fashions while sitting in bed feeling more glamorous in your sweats than they look on that gorgeous red carpet. I'm sure the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show doesn't make you feel this good! Am I right ladies?
For some reason, these beautiful ladies that dress so well off of the carpet get it so wrong on it. And that my friends-- gives me great pleasure to write about.
Don't be disrespectful bitch. This is the GOLDEN GLOBES. Get it together and wear your Dior cigarette pants to the next Harry Potter 256 premiere party. Gross.
First of all- a side pony? A side pony? This is disgusting. I hate a side pony. I also hate this dress. The End.
It looks like something Meryl Streep would wear, and if there is anything I hate more than a side pony- it's Meryl Streep.
Oh Zoe, the premiere of Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon 2 was down the road. You must have taken a wrong turn at THE GOLDEN GLOBES.
...has given up on life. Does she even attempt to be fashionable anymore? I'm confused at whether she is going to a cowboy ranch with that tassal around her neck or if she puts it there when it isn't covering her nipples. Either way, it's atrocious.
Is a goddess. But this is awful. It looks like one of those beach bags you pick up at the Miami airport that only your ninety-year-old Grandmother wants. Bedazzled palm trees? Grotesque.
The other offenders: Hayden Panettiere, Aubrey Plaza, Tina Fey, Edie Falco, Uma Thurman and more.
As if you didn't know this woman was fierce from her showing in The Wolf of Wallstreet, she brought her A-Game to the Golden Globes. Don't get comfortable Cate Blanchett- there's a new girl in town and she comes in adorn in Van Cleef and Louboutins.
Speaking of Cate, I'll give it to you- you were not going down to Margot without a fight and a fight you brought in your Armani lace gown. Flawless.
In another life, I am coming back as this goddess. Pregnant and skinner than I'd ever hope to be in my entire life not prego, she looks stun-ning in Gucci. I would not change a thing.
I know I am going to be hung for this pick but, I think she looks to-die. And I'd like to be buried in this Ronnie Zakem. I love the muted hue, the hair, and the smokey eye. That's all.
My other favorites of the night: Kate Beckinsale, Emilia Clarke, Allison Williams, Paula Patton, Lena Dunham (dress only- not that hideous creature on her arm or the haircut of a boy), Jessica Chastain (again, only the dress- she clearly went through a wind tunnel on her way to the carpet), Sofia Vergara (bow to the Queen), Amy Poehler and Kerry Washington.
Luckily, there were many more hits than misses, and I had a very hard time narrowing my bests of the night. The ladies brought it on Sunday, but- there's always the SAG Awards to look forward to for a few epic failures.
See you next week...