I know you all have been waiting on the edge of your seats for my Grammys fashion recap. My response to that?
Hold up ya needy bitches, I have a real job!
But really, the Grammys are my favorite of all the red carpet recaps I write because honestly, the good is usually so good and the bad is epic.
This year, I was a little disappointed in the lack of cuckoo clocks. Whatever happened to showing up in an egg?
Listen, I know everybody is all “Pillowtalk” about Gigi but you all know I prefer a little darkness. Bella is everything to me at the moment. Her piercing eyes in this all black ensemb with the slicked hair remind me of one of my other favorites, Rooney Mara. This Alexandre Vauthier Paris gown fits her like a glove, as it should, she is a model after all.
Ellie Goulding in Stella McCartney.
I love juxtaposition—in life and in fashion. Ellie’s typical rock persona in this gorgeous pastel pink gown is making me feel some type of way. The little visibility of her ink on her ribs and the messy hair? I die.
Ariana Grande in Romona Keveza.
Red is her color. She looks to-die in this gown and while it definitely matures her a bit, the signature high pony keeps it young. I could have done without the clutch holding on the red carpet, but ya know—the clutch was a big deal at prom so I totally get it.
Selena Gomez in Calvin Klein.
The bigger the hoop the bigger the…you know. I love her in this Calvin Klein stunner. She’s got the body to wear his designs just like Miss. Klum, but I absolutely could have done without the hoops. The dress is a gorgeous metallic fabric that could easily read cheap, and the hoops only help it get there.
Kaley Cuoco in Naeem Khan.
THIS is when you wear a gorgeous jumpsuit. THIS is the appropriate award venue. I love that she did a loose wave with the cut out and overall structured look of this white ensemble.
I know you’re probably asking—what about Mrs. Legend? Adele? Tay Tay?
To recap: I loved Chrissy’s gown, but it was a bit too Kim Kardashian for someone who is such a style icon in her own right. Adele, loved the hair but other than that, the dress was expected. And well, I’m just tired of talking about Taylor.
The Worst. There were some obviously real offenders here.
Dencia. What the actual fuck? You have terrible friends and “people” if anyone let you walk out of the door in a pink sweat suit with Hello Kitties glued all over it to walk a red carpet. Terrible.
Jacqueline Van Bierk. OK so you’re a bat? I’m confused.
Joy Villa. Nope. Never.
Ciara in Alexandre Vauthier.
We get it. Your body is a party, or whatever that song is called. I’m not trying to throw shade at your clearly tight and toned bod, but we don’t need to see all of it. I am a big fan of the “pick-a-place rule”. Show leg, or cleavage—never both. Show back or cleavage—never both. You get it.
Kacey Musgraves in Armani.
I hate everything about this chameleon lizard-like gown. And also, I am secretly convinced that she’s a big slut soooo.
This could have been such a moment for Meghan. Her new hair color is kil-ler. The curl she’s rocking overwhelms her round-shaped face. She should have gone very light waves or poker straight on a night like the Grammys. And, if you’re going to do the shoulder pads, you can’t do the big hair. Straight and uneventful or pulled back only. I actually don’t hate the dress, I just think it’s ill-fitting and the ensemb together is disheveled.
Justin Bieber…is a dirty child molester?
Really, the weirdos dressed like weirdos, Justin showed us he can barely grow a mustache and hangs out at playgrounds and my girl Bella and The Weekend took best, most fierce couple of. all. time.
Until next time folks!
Image Credit: Getty Images