The 2017 Golden Globe

Oh my gosh you guys, it’s awards season!

I love a good red carpet and I am thrilled to begin this 2017 season with food, jammies, fuzzy socks, red wine and my pups. It’s really the best way to judge women who’ve just spent hours on hair and makeup—not to mention prior workouts and starving themselves, ya know?

Before we begin, a quick round up of the men who just get it.

Ryan Gosling channeling La La Land (and typically I hate a theme on the carpet but it's Ryan Gosling and he gave an adorable ode to his wifey when he won—he's untouchtable,) Donald Glover bringing my favorite fabric in men’s formalwear (velvet) to the red carpet, Justin Timberlake, Rami Malek and Matt Bomer. 

Also, are you kidding me with this cuteness?

Now, let’s jump right in with the best of the best.

Drew Barrymore. Listen, I know her makeup is kind of a train wreck. But I absolutely die for her Monique Lhuillier gown. I loved the dark manicure and jewels and while yes, I could have encouraged an improved smoky eye—this ensemble is hippie perfection and couldn’t scream “Drew” more. Gorgeous. I’ll take it for my wedding dress someday. But really…hit me up Drew.

Kristin Bell in Jenny Packham is perfection. Yes, I love the color black but this dress structure is honestly ev-ery-th-an-g. Long skirt, long sleeves and that in-sane plunging neckline make the perfect combo of sweet and spice. She is gorgeous. Dax you lucky dog, you.

Mandy Moore in Naeem Khan. This bitch is back! This dress gives me life you guys. If you actually looked at the Khan gown closely you know it’s actually a gorgeous blue-tone. And it has a cape. A cape! Die. The hair is perfection, earrings are perfection—she looks regal, stunning. That's how you do a comeback (take notes SJP.)

Kerry Washington. I loved this. The entire ensemb is great. The plum lip, perfect blush and the slicked straight hair are all the perfect play off of her elaborate Dolce gown. It’s great and if you don’t see it, then you’re blind. And if this is truly something your Grandmother wore (ahem Twitter population) than damn—she’s one foxy lady.

My best dressed, after careful consideration and a night of sleep, and you guys I did not think this was the route I was going is…Ruth Negga.

Her custom Louis Vuitton made by Nicholas Ghesquiere himself is stun-ning. At first thought, I wished it had been on someone with a more flowing mane. Coming back to it this morning and with a better idea of it's beauty from photographs, I was left gasping for air. The structure, the zipper, the gorgeous futuristic silver paillette…I’m here for it. HERE. Shown up. It’s happening.

A few of my other favorites: Louise Roe, Blake Lively (Versace got her showing off those baby curves!), Reese Witherspoon, Goldie Hawn (Bow to the Queen) and Jessica Biel.

Worst.

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The first rule about Chrissy Teigen is that you don’t talk shit about Chrissy Teigen because she’ is just so damn cool. So, I’ll just leave you with that.

Natalie Portman in Prada. You know I hate to kick a pregnant lady when she’s down (hypothetically, you know standing on a red carpet next to 90 pound women when you’re feeling a bit more full if you will…) but Natalie Portman’s mustard yellow Prada gown is just too theme-y for me. I get it. You’re Jackie. But like, are you really?

Zoe Saldana almost always does it for me. But this pink Gucci is just too much. The amount of ruffles on the gown totally overwhelms her tiny figure and the bow too? It’s all just overkill.

Jessica Chastain looks like a 90’s prom nightmare in this powder blue floral mess. I literally can-not.

Emma Stone in Valentino. Again, I really dislike a “red carpet theme” and I feel like she may have taken this La La Land thing just a bit too far with the silver stars…everywhere. We get it. While she still looks ah-mazing, I hate the detail—hate.

Nicole Kidman…is beginning to scare me. I’m confused about her face. Does it move?

Felicity Jones in Gucci. She looks like the Pink Nightmare. I’m confused as to how this even happened? She’s a tiny girl and it makes her look twice her size and like she might be going to bed, or starring as Wendy from Peter Pan in her next role.

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SJP. If this is an homage to Carrie Fisher than I’ll be the first to admit I’m the asshole. If not, then it’s just tragic styling. I guess we’ll never know…But really, she hasn't walked the carpet since 2007—this is your decided comeback? Girl.

A few others that I literally just can not talk about because, 1. Who are they and 2. I don’t believe they were serious for once second showing up in these ensembs. Anna Chulumsky, Kerri Russell,  Judith Light, Kristin Wig, Amanda Peet, Claire Foy, Winona ‘Steal yo’ Clothes’ Ryder (don't think I forgot,) John Travolta (plus, have you watch Leah Remini’s show?) and Michelle Williams.

Here are the outliers that from Twitter, I clearly learned I was in the minority on.

You guys…I did not hate Carrie Underwood and for real, I don’t even like her! But I thought it was very girly and very her and I actually loved the detail.

Lilly Collins in Zuhair Murad (and I love Zuhair Murad.) I’m just not that into it. I just feel like YAWN, we’ve seen it before ya know?

Amy Adams. Samesies. I’m bored.

I loved Sophie Turner, in fact, I’d say she’s top five best dressed at the event! And of course, she’s wearing Louis Vuitton so basically, bury me in this dress. Considering she’s on every worst dressed list this week I guess my opinion is not well received, but I was obsessed with this look. I honestly would have made her best dressed if I didn’t think you guys might think I’d lost my mind and never read this blog again. 

Thadie Newton. I thought she looked killer! The entire thing was perfect and anything but plain. If I didn't look like such a dirt ball in white, I'd ask to be buried in this too. 

 

So, what did you think? Who did you love, who did you hate? But really...who did you hate is so much more fun.