And the Oscar goes to...

I’m going to warn you, there are some things in this blog that many are not going to like. I disagreed with A LOT of my favorites regarding ensembles for last night’s 2017 Oscars.

Buckle up, people!

Kirsten Dunst. Honestly if there was an award show to wear this gown to, it’s the Oscars. But I just can-not get down with the insane makeup, black shoes, black gown, gothic vibes. I think it weighs her down, and doesn’t do her any justice.

Leslie Mann. I adore this color, especially against the red carpet. But the gown lit-er-ally looks like a down comforter. It’s too big for her tiny little figure and she’s getting washed out by the color. A big miss for me.

Alicia Vikander. I know, I know. Kill me. This girl is seriously one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen. I just thought her outfit choice was boring and a little infantile for her, no?

Dakota Johnson…is weird. But, like, really though. You could not seem like you don’t want to be there any more than you do when you’re interviewed. Girl. It’s like, don’t show up then! You’ve done two movies that unfortunately have flopped, you should just be happy you’re invited! So put a smile on and answer Ryan's dumb-ass questions like the rest of ‘em.

Halle Berry. There is a family of beavers living on your head. That is all.

Felicity Jones looks like a child and it makes me uncomfortable. She looks young enough as it is, and then she shows up dressed as Angelina Ballerina? No.

Emma Stone. OK. Crucify me! You guys know how I feel about a theme, and I just think she can-not get enough of La La Land. At the Golden Globes it was silver stars all over the gown and last night, the homage to the 20’s with the Givenchy tassels galore. It’s like, meet us in 2017. The movie is over, it definitely didn’t win best picture. Let’s get back to plunging necklines and jumpsuits Emma, shall we?

Other travesties: Cynthia Erivo, Ava DuVernay, ScarJo, Salma Hayek, Ginnifer Goodwin, Casey Affleck, Priyanka Chopra

Now, the winners. Because there were some real stand outs last night...

Viola Davis. Damn! Lady in red Armani Prive! Gorgeous! So sleek and sexy while showing  just the right amount of skin and a chic short swept cut, showcasing her can-not-be-real beauty and agelessness!

Brie Larson. You guys. I loved this. I loved this so much more that Taraji P. Henson’s velvet gown. The hair, the red lip, the sleek fabric underneath the velvet shown through the ruffle, the strappy black shoes…I cannot.

Ryan Gosling in Gucci. I gasped and of course, sat in awe of this amazing Gucci tux. It’s such an homage to a past era (not the era of La La Land, I might add) with the velvet, one button, and shawl lapel but still so amazingly current and on-trend.

Bloggers Note: I realize this doesn’t make up for thinking you won an Oscar, only to have it ripped from your hands minutes later. But hey! You looked mighty fine doing it!

Hailee Steinfeld. Listen, no one currently annoys me as much as this girl does (no, I have no rationale for this) but I give credit where credit is due and I thought she stun-nnn-nnn-ed last night.

Ruth Negga. Red on the red carpet is so difficult but boy did she pull it off. This custom Valentino gown is stun-ning. The hairpiece is the best of the night by far. While I might have done a smaller earring, I really think the entire look pulled together fabulously.

Jessica Biel. What. a. stunner. I almost died and went to heaven over that amazing Tiffany’s collar. I would like to someday take nude maternity pictures with only that necklace on. Over share? Maybe. This ensemb is such a statement. I loved the hair, makeup, clutch…everything about this. She nailed it.

Naomie Harris. I love Calvin Klein, love! Usually my girl Heidi is the only one brave enough to wear his skin tight silhouettes on the carpet but last night Harris gave her a run for her money! The perfect cut out, CAPE, and mismatched shoes made this a total win for me. The critique that she isn't dressed up enough for the event? Let's get real people, Casey Affleck looks like a homeless man and he's allowed in.

Other winners: Nicole Kidman, Taraji P. Henson, Olivia Culpo, Riz Ahmed, Mahershala Ali

Overall, it was a lovely night on the red carpet with the exception of a little mishap. But these things happen, right? Hopefully everyone feels sufficiently worse from the excessive after parties than they did in that moment.