Since you been gone...

I’ve been gone for a while. Frankly. I just haven’t had shit to say.

Or maybe I have, but truly – it was a little quiet on all fronts and that is sayin’ something considering I am NEVER quiet.

I’ve been a little uninspired as of late. I was really beating myself up about that until actually just this morning.  

I hadn’t been going to yoga, getting to my mat. I wasn’t reading things I care about, taking time for myself, diving into my spirituality (which if you know me, you know I love!) It’s been so busy that I just don’t think I’ve been in the zone, if you will. I even felt like every time I tried to write, it all sounded confused and lost, too. Like everything around me, and the energy coming out of me – was a reflection of the weird energy inside of me.

And then this morning I woke up. I listened to my favorite Podcast and I thought to myself, it’s OK.

It’s OK to be off. And sometimes off is seven months. And sometimes it’s a year. Sometimes it’s only as long as a Mercury Retrograde. But all of that is OK. Just because it’s longer than a day doesn’t mean it’s your permanent state. Yes, it may be harder to get back to a good place when you’ve been on vacation from it for so long, but not impossible.

So this morning I decided to be nicer to myself. I’m going to work really hard at taking better care of myself, giving more time to me. Because it makes me a better coworker, friend and wife. But I’m also going to accept that on the weeks when I work too much, don’t work out and haven’t even stopped to read the news, that’s OK. And move the fuck on.

Why is it when we do good, it’s never good enough?

And when we aren’t doing well, it’s never going to get better?

Those two states are so polarizing. There’s no allowance for grace, compassion and space in-between.

So hopefully if you get nothing else out of this blog, you get permission to also be in a funk. To feel like you’ve just been “off” for weeks, or months. And to know that you’ll get back there. Whenever it’s the right time, you’ll know, and you’ll get there.

I won’t go back and talk about the last, essentially year of my life, but I will quickly recap some stuff for you.

 I got married!

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I spent a week with seriously all of my best friends (minus one with a little baby just born!) on the beach, in my favorite place, in celebration of spending life with my best friend. I wish I could say that the day of our wedding was the best day ever, but honestly, bumming around the beach, drinking White Claws, visiting Frosty Frogs, salty hair – all of it was just so fun. I wish I could relive that week every year of my life.

 

I feel like this is the part where I should give advice on wedding planning, but I think overall being with everyone for this week enabled me to reflect on how much more important those 7 days were than the 10 hours of my wedding. When I think back yes, of course I think about our first look and dancing all night. But more than that, I think about football on the beach, my drunk friends discussing ‘kinis’ for two hours, riding on ‘sicles (popsicle floats), our favorite drunk rascal, fast friend (you know who you are!) dancing on the sand on the Fourth of July to the BEST cover band, the rounds and rounds of golf my husband got to play with our family and friends, the dinners and the swims and all of the jokes and little moments that made the week unforgettable.

 

What I’m trying to say is your wedding is a big moment in your life. Huge! But sometimes, all of the little moments in between are worth the focus. So don’t let your wedding be everything. It’s just one thing. Ya dig?

 

We moved to Cinci.

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Holy shit balls. Never in a million years did I EVER think I’d leave Cleveland. Ever.

 

Probably the hardest decision I’ve ever made (and we’ve ever made) and it didn’t help that it came literally weeks before my wedding! So, we sold a house and bought a house and moved and got married and I started a new job – and that my friends, was JULY!

 

I love my work and that makes the move worth it. Our newlywed life has been unique in that we are away from all of our friends and family and starting over in a new city. But I would have DIED without him. I’m pretty sure he thought I was having a mental breakdown when I cut my hair and cried literally every single day after work for weeks on end the first month or so but I’ve survived! We are here and definitely enjoying Cinci life.

To answer the questions:

·      I work on a beauty brand with P&G for a great agency, hence Cinci.

·      Hell no I am not a Bengals fan. Never. Nor will I ever like the Reds.

·      I have a few friends. Bumble for friends has not helped at all. It’s bullshit.

·      We bought a house and our neighborhood is the best and they are our first true, new Cinci friends.

·      My sister and her husband live here but they travel often!

·      It’s much warmer only 4 hours South.

·      The dogs love their new yard and home.

·      I miss everyone, every day.

 

But, coming home for holidays was so nice. I value the time I have with my friends and family more than ever. It’s been a real awakening to how lucky I had it to be so near to everyone for so long. 4 hours is just a drive away but I’m so happy whenever I get to go back and see everyone I love so much.

Those are probably the biggest things that have happened. So maybe the funk is just a result of the constant change. But, like I said, in the words of my favorite QB: I woke up this morning feeling dangerous.

 

Cheers to the rest of 2019!